Unashamed

‘You know the stretch marks on your arm are visible in this picture?’ I’m sure he meant well. I anticipated the sharp comeback drenched in bile that I would throw his way in response. But it never came. Instead, I said “Yeah, it’s actually very important if those are visible” throwing my arm out and putting said stretch marks in their best light, giving them their moment.

When Yvonne asked me to contribute to her blog, I knew right away that it was a yes. Her unique energy and drive are just what I need on my Instagram feed. Add in the fact that she is killing it in the accidental entrepreneur arena and an outspoken Nigerian woman, I was always sold. So when she sent me her UNASHAMED slogan necklace, it really unearthed some feelings in me.

UnashamedTo be honest, I think I’m surface level body positive. Halfway putting my flaws out there because I honestly love women, in all their shapes and sizes but have not yet come to terms with my expanding body. I am two stone heavier than when I was pregnant. And my body has begun to tell me that. No stranger to stretch marks (I became acquainted with my first when I was 10) I’ve accepted them willingly. Willingly because subconsciously, they’ve never been in places that people have to see. But on my arms? That can really play with a girls head.

I need my arms. I need them out of doors on a sticky summer’s day. I need to be able to wear a sleeveless gown Viola Davis style and feel empowered. I need to feel like no one is like ‘Woah, she gained hella weight, just look at her arms’ So over the past six months, I’ve been toying with ways to work these new stretch marks into my wardrobe. Where I would once work out in vests, my exercise gear now must have sleeves. I’m imagining Chanel style dinner jackets on top of flirty summer dresses. I’m trying to find a way to work my new friends and not let them work me.As per every other woman, body image issues started early. I’ve played with eating disorders but never been strong nor perps weak enough to succumb to the eternal grip of restricting food portions or relieving myself post binge. A true brick house, I developed in a waif Moss world, where anything above a size 8 was dutifully talked about amongst my large bottomed female family members. Then the Kim K effect happened (much to my dismay but this is not a post about cultural appropriation – follow my Instagram for fleeting monologues regarding that mess) and all of a sudden the figure I was naturally blessed with came into the spotlight.

But when it came to taking these pictures, with this UNASHAMED necklace bestowed upon my bare, dark marked, mole decorated skin, I felt like I would be the complete opposite of unashamed if I even dare airbrushed the stretch marks out. They are not just a sign of physical growth, but mental growth also. And it is my true belief that I will only graduate once I accept them. Because they are like tattoos. They may fade and morph with you but they will always be there. So how dare I talk about body positivity or continue to encourage women to embrace their bodies in its current state if I’m letting some stretch marks ruin my current mental state. No more of that. Get ready for some Michelle Obama arm realness this summer cause I’m a coming, without a jacket in sight.

Candice Brathwaite is a mother of one, a vlogger and the founder of cake by Candie.She also blogs candicebrathwaite.com, Her Instagram page is here.

“Don’t get suckered into pity-sex!”

When I received this piece from Laura (a regular contributor to KemiKids) I smiled and laughed. Laura’s fabulous and sparkling personality shines through in her writing. “Don’t get suckered into pity-sex!” is hilarious and beautiful. I hope it has the same effect on you as it did me –  Laura tells us what she really wants as a present on Valentine’s Day.
Yvonne xxx

Laura talks Valentine’s Day present

The start of this year has been challenging, to say the least. At the very centre of our Venn diagram of love and family, we’ve had a death and a cancer diagnosis.

So, our ordinary lives have been rocked on a seismic scale. Thanks to our awesome friends, we’re rolling our sleeves up, knocking back a few drinks and once again, finding the joy that is most definitely out there!

Everyone has offered their condolences to comfort us, shoulders to cry on and arms to hug. All these have helped to carry the weight. But one very astute and clever mamma gave me the best advice any girl could get, ‘No grief-baby!’

Pardon”, I replied, not being familiar with the term. So she said, “Laura If you think you feel bad now, imagine how you’ll feel in nine months’ time when you turn 40 – with a newborn baby.” My face dropped, the impact of her advice sinking in. “Don’t get suckered into pity-sex!”

I howled with laughter and thought, “Yes… this is my kind of friend!” In the midst of all of my grief, she’s still got my back and thinking of my future.

Let me be clear, I have no issue with anyone having a new born baby as they depart their 30s. In fact, I think it’s great. I love babies – other people’s. But this friend knows me well and tapped directly into my core. She knows how much I have struggled with the lack of sleep, lack of privacy and my identity as a mum.

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So this Valentine’s Day, I have decided to resurrect the topic of having a vasectomy with my dear husband. No flowers, handbags or diamonds are necessary – always welcome but not necessary. What I’d love to receive more than anything is a little itty-bitty appointment card for him with the GP.

Funnily enough, he was the one to suggest it after the birth of our son – but that was four years ago.

Over the last 10 years, we have created a family. We’ve gone into labour three times… been on the pill, been off the pill, recoiled at the coil, ripped my lady parts apart, stitched them back up, and gone under the knife to fix a leaky bladder caused by all this child-bearing malarkey.

I say ‘we’ but really I mean ‘me’. I regret none of it. My husband has always been a rock – taken any abuse (or mobile phones) thrown at him and I love him for it.

But now I really need to pass the buck. As we both approach the big 4-0 this year, it’s his turn to take one for the team.

Laura.